— Wait... I am with child. Yours.
— I don't recall that we ever had...
— You were drunk.
— I've actually never been that drunk.
— Sorry, that was one more deduction than I was really expecting.
— Deduction?
— Increased appetite, change of taste perception... you were sick this morning... You assumed it was just wedding nerves. You got angry with me when I mentioned it to you. All the signs are there.
— The signs?
— The signs of three.
— What?!
— Mary, I think you should do a pregnancy test. Well, the statistics for the first trimester are...
— Shut up! Just shut up.
= Sorry.
— How did he notice before me? I'm a bloody doctor.
— It's your day off.
— It's your day off!
— Stop. Stop panicking.
— I'm not panicking.
— I'm panicking, I'm pregnant!
— Don't panic! None of you panic. Absolutely no reason to panic.
— Oh, and you'd know, of course!
— Yes, I would.
— I'm pregnant!
— Pregnant with a baby?
— How long have you been sniffing those markers? Of course, with a baby.
— Émilien! I am pregnant.
— Well yes, of course... But how long have you been...?
— For 8 months, Émilien!
— And you... you're gonna keep it?
— It's a bit too late to ask that question!
— Look, I feel like I can give you a list of things that are sucky about being pregnant. For starters, I'm now horny as I've ever been and my husband is repulsed by me.
— Listen, if you really need it that badly, I will suck it up and shut my eyes so tight and then do you.
— Thank you for the sacrifice.
— It's because I love you.
Pregnant women are among a select group of people who are actually allowed to act insane. Much like sports mascots, local weathermen, theme park performers and that guy with the question-mark jacket who teaches people how to get free money from the government.
— Oh, just some terrorists decided to send a little care package, box of goodies... which had to be neutralized before blowing up the office. So I took the rest of the day off. Glass of wine, little guitar. Just relaxing. The world is being Fed-Ex'd to hell on a handcart. I really believe that anyone who's even thinking about having a child in this world... is coldly considering an act of cruelty. I know, I'm rambling, I'm complaining. I'm sorry. What's your news, baby?
— I'm pregnant.
— Wow, pregnancy's a wild ride, huh? One minute she's loving and affectionate and the next minute she's, well...
— Cruel? Vengeful? Castrating?
— I was gonna say "moody".
— Wait for it.
— I'm busy, Angela.
— I'm, pregnant, Larry.
— Really? That's wonderful. How long?
— Seven weeks, give or take.
— The Kelman wedding. The night of the Kelman wedding. Yeah, that's the only time we did it.
— No. He was in and out of my life very quickly.
— Not quickly enough, apparently. He who?
— It's not important.
— You sure it's not mine?
— Come on. After all the years we tried I don't think it's going to happen one night, by accident.
— Thought maybe one of mine could have bribed his way in or something.
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