Everything sucks. Might as well find something to smile about.
Mistakes are as serious as the results they cause!
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.
I'm not sad, I'm complicated, chicks dig that.
I'm a lawyer. You're a jerk. There's gonna to be some overlap.
Welcome aboard the good ship Asskisser. Nice day for a sail! Pucker up, me 'earties!
Here’s how life works. You either get to ask for an apology, or you get to shoot people. Not both.
I'm a really good secret keeper, I never told anybody that Wilson wets his bed. Oh, you tricked me.
You see the world as it is, and you see the world as it could be. What you don't see is what everybody else sees: the giant, gaping chasm in between.
Get a real pregnancy test. You know, the one with the blood and the hormones and the rabbit.
— Heard you killed your supermodel.
— Only for a minute.
Cheese is the Devil's plaything.
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