— Yeah, but being married is the normal way to live, isn't it?
— Who says so?
— Edna.
— Oh, Harold, I think you've been brainwashed. You're missing a very important point. Marriage is not a basic fact of nature. It's an invention.
It's like the infield fly rule. It exists only because the women say so. And, like idiots, we just go following right along.
— No, no, no, Stan. I... No, I don't know I would do without Edna. She, uh... she... Well, she... she plans the meals, sends my shirts to the laundry.
— Harold, you're making another basic common masculine mistake. You're confusing love and laundry.

You know, that is the first really rotten thing you've said to me. To make fun of somebody else's intelligence or education or lack of, that is somebody I'd be very glad not to know. I thought you were sad, weird. I didn't know you were cruel.

Not everyone thinks life is a picnic. Some of us have problems. Some of us have sorrows. People like you are so busy telling us what you want you don't notice the rest of us who aren't exactly singing Yankee Doodle Dandy.

— You don't think we'd fit, do you? We fit, Frankie. We fit like... peas in a pod, like a lock and a key.
— I'm not sure I like where your key's been.

That's my steak, Valance.

At the edge of insanity lies hope.

Everybody dies. And if there was something wrong with that, people just wouldn't do it.

I mean, the computer is the worst — i don't know, it's the worst thing ever created. Yeah. I mean, it's worse than the clap. It's worse than cops. It's damn near as bad as shrinks, man.

— It won't be the most beautiful outfit in the world, but I think it'll do.
— How come this smells so good?
— It's clean.

See, for love to work and for happiness to work, and for you, if you wanna have a family someday, you have to actually pursue it. You know? Don't leave it up to fate.

If it bleeds, we can kill it.

Ain't no way for no soldier to die.