Futurama

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying.

Valentine's Day's coming? Oh, crap! I forgot to get a girlfriend again!

If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low IQ or an explosive violent temper, of course you're going to be lonely.

Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool.

Scalpel, blood bucket, Priest, next patient.

Wanna kill all humans, baby?

Yeah, but everybody's a jerk. You, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy.

Nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter orange wax in my ears!

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

— I haven't felt this happy since Double Soup Tuesday at the orphanarium.
— When I'm with you, every day feels like Double Soup Tuesday.

— Welcome back old friend, I missed you terribly!
— You do everything terribly!

I hate the people who love me. And they hate me.

Do I preach at you when you're lying stoned in the gutter?

Don't listen to them, Leela. People said I was dumb, but I proved them!

Society is never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other.