— When I was a kid, I could see things. Things humans aren't supposed to see. Things you shouldn't have to see. My parents were normal. They did what most parents would do. They made it worse. You think you're crazy long enough, you find a way out.
— You tried to kill yourself?
— I didn't try anything. Officially, I was dead for two minutes. But when you cross over time stops. Take it from me, two minutes in hell — is a lifetime. When I came back, I knew, all the things I could see were real. Heaven and hell are right here. Behind every wall, every window. The world behind the world, and we're smack in the middle. Angels and demons can't
cross over onto our plane. So instead we get what I call half-breeds. The influence peddlers. They can only whisper in our ears, but a single word can give you courage... or turn your favorite pleasure into your worst nightmare. Those with the demon's touch... like those part angel, living alongside us. They call it the balance. I call it hypocritical bullshit. So when a half-breed breaks the rules, I deport their sorry ass straight back to hell. I don't get them all, but I've been hoping to get enough to ensure my retirement.
— I don't understand.
— I'm a suicide, Angela. When I die, the rules say I've got just one place to go.
— You're trying to buy your way into heaven?
— What would you do if you were sentenced to a prison, where half the inmates were put there by you?
— Why me, Gabriel? It's personal, isn't it? I didn't go to church enough, I didn't pray enough... I was 5 bucks short in the collection plate. Why?
— You are going to die young... because you smoked 30 cigarettes a day since you were 15. And you're going to go to hell... because of the life you took. This is fate...
— Well, well, well. Look what we have here, Twigg. Captain Jack Sparrow.
— Last time I saw you, you were all alone on a godforsaken island shrinking into the distance. His fortunes aren't improved much.
— Worry about your own fortunes, gentlemen. The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers.