— One Russian blonde. One Scottish brunette. And a full-bodied redhead from Napa Valley. Charlie's angels.
— You said I was very special to you.
— You were.
— Yeah, me and three other women.
— I said you were special, not unique.
Well, you know what they say. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and can't get laid, huh?
— Will you take me swimming in the ocean?
— Can we talk about it after my head stops exploding?
— Why is your head exploding?
— Well, I drank a little too much wine last night.
— If it makes you feel bad, why do you drink it?
— Nobody likes a wiseass, Jake.
— You have to put one dollar in the swear jar. You said "ass".
— Tell you what, here's twenty. That should cover me till lunch.
— She invited me to her house for dinner tonight. I think she wants to have sex.
— With who?
— With me.
— With you? Hang on a second. Nope. No snowballs reported in hell. No sightings of flying pigs.
— What am I gonna do?
— You don't know? Come on, Alan, you were married for 12 years.
— What does marriage have to do with sex?
— Point taken. Okay, you want some tips?
— No, no, nothing like that. I need step-by-step instructions.
There's no arguing with a boner.
— Thought you have a date tonight.
— Not a date, a date experience.
— What's the difference?
— About fifteen hundred dollars.