Well, you know what they say. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and can't get laid, huh?
— Come on, really. What's the big secret with these women?
— Boy, I really don't wanna get into it.
— They're hideous, right?
— No.
— Insufferable?
— No.
— Inflatable?
You weren't exactly eye-candy going in. But now... you could scare the flies off a manure truck.
— What are you watching?
— Soft-core porn.
— Sound's not on.
— I don't need to hear them.
— Alan, the kid was asking about these women you've been going out with. Why he never meets them.
— Really? What did you tell him?
— I said it's probably because he's disgusting... I also told him that you love him, you don't want him to get attached to somebody and then be dissapointed if things don't work out.
— Good. Thank you.
— But how come I don't get to meet them?
— Because you're disgusting.
Alan, there comes a time in every man's life when he has to make a choice. Does he wanna be loved or does he wanna get laid? Fourteen years ago you made the wrong choice. You got married. And you wound up with neither. But now, now fate has given you another chance. Welcome it. Embrace it. Grab its pert little ass!