Two and a Half Men – Series Quotes [Season 2]

100 quotes
Two and a Half Men
Year: 
2003 – 2015
Tagline: 
«Charlie Lives! (syndication)»
Country: 
USA
Genres: 
Comedy, Melodrama

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

She invited me to her house for dinner tonight. I think she wants to have sex.
— With who?
— With me.
— With you? Hang on a second. Nope. No snowballs reported in hell. No sightings of flying pigs.
— What am I gonna do?
— You don't know? Come on, Alan, you were married for 12 years.
— What does marriage have to do with sex?
— Point taken. Okay, you want some tips?
— No, no, nothing like that. I need step-by-step instructions.

— I'd think you'd be happy for me.
— I am happy for you. You had the courage to walk over there with your pus-filled eye and fall on your ass and still got a date with one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. I'm not only happy for you, I'm proud of you. Now, I have to re-evaluate everything I thought I knew about men, women, relationships, God and the universe. But that's not your problem.

Explanation: 
Alan managed to meet a beautiful girl.

— You're overthinking this. When your dog dies, you don't make a list. You bury him, plant a shrub on top, tell the kids he's running around a farm, and move on.
— That's actually a very apt metaphor. My failed marriage is like a dead dog. But it serves as fertilizer for the shrub, which represents my new life. So if I try to revitalize the marriage... You know, digging up the dog... then I'm killing the shrub, which is me.

Explanation: 
Berta explains to Alan that he doesn't have to to repair his ruined marriage.
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