Well, you know what they say. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and can't get laid, huh?
You can roll manure in powdered in sugar, but it still ain't a jelly doughnut.
You weren't exactly eye-candy going in. But now... you could scare the flies off a manure truck.
— I was just wondering. What does it mean when someone starts crying uncontrollably after sex?
— Well, in my experience, it usually means the conjugal visit's over.
— You're overthinking this. When your dog dies, you don't make a list. You bury him, plant a shrub on top, tell the kids he's running around a farm, and move on.
— That's actually a very apt metaphor. My failed marriage is like a dead dog. But it serves as fertilizer for the shrub, which represents my new life. So if I try to revitalize the marriage... You know, digging up the dog... then I'm killing the shrub, which is me.
— Uncle Charlie's a genius.
— In a sense. But there's book smart and "look smart".