Divorce Quotes

Relationships? Well, Sigmund, relationships are so fragile. It just takes one thing, one... tiny little offence, and it can snowball on you. And if that snowball starts to pick up speed, God forbid, you better tuck and go. <...> And bam! The shine's off the apple. That's when you find out that that pretty girl you married isn't a pretty girl at all. No. She's a man-eater. And I'm not talking about the ''Whoa, whoa, here she comes'' kind of man-eater. I'm talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dishtowel to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink. I may have tormented her from time to time, but that's what I thought marriage was all about. So much so, that by the end of that relationship, I honestly don't know
who I hated more: her or me. I used to sit around and wonder why our friends weren't trying to destroy each other, like we were. And here it turns out the answer's pretty simple. They weren't unhappy. We were. <...> Relationships don't work the way they do in the movies. Will they? Won't they? They finally do and they're happy for ever. Nine out of ten end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones that get married get divorced anyway. And through all this, I have not become a cynic. I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies, and you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker. I don't care. Because I do believe in it.

Relationships? Well, Sigmund, relationships are so fragile. It just takes one thing, one... tiny little offence, and it can snowball on you. And if that snowball starts to pick up speed, God forbid, you better tuck and go. <...> And bam! The shine's off the apple. That's when you find out that that pretty girl you married isn't a pretty girl at all. No. She's a man-eater. And I'm not talking about the ''Whoa, whoa, here she comes'' kind of man-eater. I'm talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dishtowel to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink. I may have tormented her from time to time, but that's what I thought marriage was all about. So much so, that by the end of that relationship, I honestly don't know
who I hated more: her or me. I used to sit around and wonder why our friends weren't trying to destroy each other, like we were. And here it turns out the answer's pretty simple. They weren't unhappy. We were. <...> Relationships don't work the way they do in the movies. Will they? Won't they? They finally do and they're happy for ever. Nine out of ten end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones that get married get divorced anyway. And through all this, I have not become a cynic. I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies, and you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker. I don't care. Because I do believe in it.
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Your Honor, in the past two months, I've secured a residence, I refurbished that residence. And made it «an environment fit for children». Those are your words. And I'm also holding down a job as a shipping clerk. So I — I believe I met your requirements. Ahead of schedule. In regards to my behavior, I can only plead insanity. Because, ever since my children were born, the moment I looked at them, I was crazy about them. Once I held them, I was hooked. I'm addicted to my children, sir. I love them with all my heart. And the idea of someone telling me I can't be with them, I can't see them every day... It's like someone saying I can't have air. I can't live without air, and I can't live without them. Listen, I would do anything. I just want to be with them. You know I need that, sir. We have a history. And I just... They mean everything to me. And they need me as much as I need them. So, please. Don't take my kids away from me. Thank you.

Your Honor, in the past two months, I've secured a residence, I refurbished that residence. And made it «an environment fit for children». Those are your words. And I'm also holding down a job as a shipping clerk. So I - I believe I met your requirements. Ahead of schedule. In regards to my behavior, I can only plead insanity. Because, ever since my children were born, the moment I looked at them, I was crazy about them. Once I held them, I was hooked. I'm addicted to my children, sir. I love them with all my heart. And the idea of someone telling me I can't be with them, I can't see them every day... It's like someone saying I can't have air. I can't live without air, and I can't live without them. Listen, I would do anything. I just want to be with them. You know I need that, sir. We have a history. And I just... They mean everything to me. And they need me as much as I need them. So, please. Don't take my kids away from me. Thank you.
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— No, Lisa. I shouldn't have asked you to come down here. I'm not getting back together with you.
— What are you talking about? W-Why?
— Why? You screwed a scuba diving instructor on our honeymoon. I mean, what kind of cold, heartless bitch... would do that to someone they love? I'd have to be an idiot to get back together with you after that. Oh, and by the way, I destroyed all your little throw pillows. Yeah, because throw pillows suck, okay? They serve no purpose. They're purely decorative.

- No, Lisa. I shouldn't have asked you to come down here. I'm not getting back together with you.
- What are you talking about? W-Why?
- Why? You screwed a scuba diving instructor on our honeymoon. I mean, what kind of cold, heartless bitch... would do that to someone they love? I'd have to be an idiot to get back together with you after that. Oh, and by the way, I destroyed all your little throw pillows. Yeah, because throw pillows suck, okay? They serve no purpose. They're purely decorative.
- No, Lisa. I shouldn't have asked you to come down here. I'm not getting back together with you.
- What are you talking about? W-Why?
- Why? You screwed a scuba diving instructor on our honeymoon. I mean, what kind of cold, heartless bitch... would do that to someone they love? I'd have to be an idiot to get back together with you after that. Oh, and by the way, I destroyed all your little throw pillows. Yeah, because throw pillows suck, okay? They serve no purpose. They're purely decorative.
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