Divorce Quotes

Relationships? Well, Sigmund, relationships are so fragile. It just takes one thing, one... tiny little offence, and it can snowball on you. And if that snowball starts to pick up speed, God forbid, you better tuck and go. <...> And bam! The shine's off the apple. That's when you find out that that pretty girl you married isn't a pretty girl at all. No. She's a man-eater. And I'm not talking about the ''Whoa, whoa, here she comes'' kind of man-eater. I'm talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dishtowel to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink. I may have tormented her from time to time, but that's what I thought marriage was all about. So much so, that by the end of that relationship, I honestly don't know
who I hated more: her or me. I used to sit around and wonder why our friends weren't trying to destroy each other, like we were. And here it turns out the answer's pretty simple. They weren't unhappy. We were. <...> Relationships don't work the way they do in the movies. Will they? Won't they? They finally do and they're happy for ever. Nine out of ten end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones that get married get divorced anyway. And through all this, I have not become a cynic. I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies, and you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker. I don't care. Because I do believe in it.

— I don't see why you can't be there for the major events in Jack's life.
— I'd love to see him turn three.
— The major events, Paige: His graduation, his wedding, his divorce and his funeral. The big four.

You reach a certain age, having a roommate is just kind of pathetic.

— Why are they fighting?
— They're not fighting. They're discussing.
— I'm a child of divorce, Dad. I know the difference.

— You're overthinking this. When your dog dies, you don't make a list. You bury him, plant a shrub on top, tell the kids he's running around a farm, and move on.
— That's actually a very apt metaphor. My failed marriage is like a dead dog. But it serves as fertilizer for the shrub, which represents my new life. So if I try to revitalize the marriage... You know, digging up the dog... then I'm killing the shrub, which is me.