Scrubs Quotes

Year:

2001 – 2010

Tagline:

«I'm No Superman»

Country:

USA

Genres:

Drama, Comedy

In the unreal world of Sacred Heart Hospital, intern John "J.D." Dorian learns the ways of medicine, friendship and life.

— You spend tons of time with Sam. You call him every night so he can hear your voice. You write him all those stories about unicorns. Seriously, how do you come up with so many?
— They just come to me. And I got to get them out, you know?
— No, I don't know.
— They're magical.

— See, this stuff has become so mundane to me that I've created a character who's terrified about going back to prison. And through him, I hope to feel, once again, the old rush.
— You carry on.
— Good. 'Cause I can't go back there, man. Not after what they did to Johnny. Oh, Johnny. He was the best. I wish you'd known him. Those guards worked him over good. They shanked him with a shiv. And they shivved him with a shank. Over a pack of smokes. Johnny, you were too beautiful for this world, man.

The Janitor (Glenn Matthews)

— I will take a key, thank you very much.
— I would never willingly give you anything that was not some sort of fatal virus.

Chicks, ah? They're all soft and cuddly, but you'll never get to be with one.

Sometimes I watch Roots to remind myself how good I have it.

— How'd you end up with a bornagain Christian sister?
— I don't know. Maybe the TV was broken one day and she picked up the Bible and found it to be just a darn good read. Or maybe it had something to do with our mother's ability to watch silently as our dad drunkenly knocked us from room to room. What do you think, Newbie?
— Probably the room to room thing.

How is it that no man understands that every woman, whether she's 16 or 60, still has that awkward, insecure, self-conscious teenage girl inside of her?

— Hey.
— Hey. So, I got this extra kidney I'm not using.

I know you say you love us all equally, but you don't, do you? I'm onto you, Big Man.

Hey, champ! What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso. How ya doin'.

— But earlier, Dr Kelso was telling us that...
— I don't want to hear anything out of that man's mouth, unless it's: «My God. I'm dying. I'm moving towards the light. Wait, there's been a mistake. This is hell. Hello, Hitler. Hello, Mussolini. Captain Kangaroo. That's weird».

What do you say, you wanna trade your big problems for mine?

Problems, Troubles, Issues

With men, you just have to hold out until they're invested enough they won't run away at the first thing.

Oh, please. You all wish you could bag a nurse.

Dr. Elliot Reid

Season 2

Episode 15

— My life is a mess.
— At least you're pretty.
— Pretty don't pay the rent.
— It does for my sister.
— Your sister's a prostitute?
— She's a model. Come on, we talked about thinking before we speak.