Scrubs – Series Quotes [Season 1]

I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible, but I want to spend every irritating minute with you.

Relationships? Well, Sigmund, relationships are so fragile. It just takes one thing, one... tiny little offence, and it can snowball on you. And if that snowball starts to pick up speed, God forbid, you better tuck and go. <...> And bam! The shine's off the apple. That's when you find out that that pretty girl you married isn't a pretty girl at all. No. She's a man-eater. And I'm not talking about the ''Whoa, whoa, here she comes'' kind of man-eater. I'm talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dishtowel to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink. I may have tormented her from time to time, but that's what I thought marriage was all about. So much so, that by the end of that relationship, I honestly don't know
who I hated more: her or me. I used to sit around and wonder why our friends weren't trying to destroy each other, like we were. And here it turns out the answer's pretty simple. They weren't unhappy. We were. <...> Relationships don't work the way they do in the movies. Will they? Won't they? They finally do and they're happy for ever. Nine out of ten end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones that get married get divorced anyway. And through all this, I have not become a cynic. I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies, and you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker. I don't care. Because I do believe in it.

Three years of pre-med and four years of med school have made me realise one thing... I don't know Jack.

In my experience when two friends miss a chance like this you've got exactly 48 hours to get the kiss, or one of you will over-think it, OK she's gonna over-think it, Then you end up permanently stuck in the Friend Zone...

I think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone. You'd never know, but there's tons of people feeling the exact same way. Maybe because you're feeling completely abandoned. Maybe you realised that you aren't as self-sufficient as you thought. Maybe you know you should've handled something differently. Or maybe you aren't as good as you thought you were. Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice. You can either wallow in self-pity or you can suck it up. It's your call.

Well, l haven't had my coffee yet, so I'm finding it hard coming up with a more colourful way to say ''Who gives a crap?'' Actually, that wasn't half bad.

Now, when you were born, nay, spawned by the Dark Prince himself, did he forget to give you a hug before he sent you along your way?

I'm OK, I'm OK, I'm a "K", I'm a "'K"? What the hell does that mean?

— There's my dynamic duo!
— Holy inferiority complex, Batman! How low is my self-esteem that I'm the sidekick in my own fantasy?

— The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
— Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
— Why a penny?
— I don't know.
— Did you stick a penny in there?
— No, I was making small talk.
— If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.

I've been thinking lately about taking chances... <...> and how it's just about overcoming your fears. Because every time you take a big risk in your life no matter how it ends up you're always glad you took it.

— How's it goin'?
— I'm a 37-year-old janitor. How d'you think it's going?
— There is nothing wrong with being a janitor.
— Really? Thank you, you've turned my life around. I'll tell my janitor wife and all our janitor kids that life is worth living. And that comes straight from our hero, Dr Whozits, Dr Nothing. No, seriously, come on. Come over to my humble house and point out things that are cheap.

— From now on, your name is Scooter.
— I don't get it.
— Short for scooter pie. I hate scooter pies.

Sometimes the only way to take a good look at yourself is through someone else's eyes. If you're lucky, you'll like what you see. Or you'll learn from it. If you don't like what you see, you have to hope you haven't burned too many bridges.

Do you actually listen to yourself when you speak, or do you find you drift in and out?

Enjoy this while you can, Bobby. If your evil genie does grant your wish, and I disappear, the only person you'll have left to contend with will be yourself. And when you really get to know that person, dear God, you'll scream so loud, Satan will want to rip up the contract you signed so he can get some sleep.