Friends – Series Quotes

— You'll probably catch her at the gate. You'll call her name and yell "I love you!" She'll say "I love you too!" Then you will have the most amazing kiss. Everyone at the gate will applaud.
— I am a good kisser.
— Then you two can sneak into the cockpit. Things will start to heat up. And then a stewardess comes in... I've been watching too much porn.

— You tell the doctor you did it jumping on your bed?
— No. I had a whole story worked out, but then... Chandler sold me out.
— I didn't think the doctor would buy that it "fell out of the socket".

— Is Frank home?
— How do you know Frank?
— Just from a long time ago. Is he here?
— Yeah. Frank.
— Yeah. What?
— Oh, okay, um, I mean Frank Senior.
— He went out for groceries.
— Will he be back soon?
— He left four years ago. We're expecting him back any minute.

There's nothing between us "animal" at all? There's not even, like, um, a little animal? Not even, like... chipmunk sex?

— Ugh, Ross! Ross, please listen to me. Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. You care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.
— If I make you laugh, here's an idea. Invite Paolo to have a romp in the sack, and I'll stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes.

— Okay, Ross, Ross, Ross. You're gonna wanna stay away from that guy and that guy and that one. Dude, they're all huge.
— They don't look any bigger than me.
— That's because you're closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.

— My agent just called me with an audition for Days of our Lives.
— We have to celebrate. We should do a soap opera theme.
— Hey, yeah. We could all sleep together, and then one of us could get amnesia.

— What do you say we make these, uh, coffees Irish?
— You know, it seems like you've been making an awful lot of stuff Irish lately.
— I would make them Belgian, but the waffles are hard to get into that flask.

— I can't believe it's Christmas already. You know? One day you're eating turkey, the next thing you know... your lords are a-leaping and your geese are a-laying. Heh.
— Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.

— Look, if it gets a little warm... it can be a theme party.
— Here's a theme: "Come on in, live like bacon!"

— You tell them you're married?
— No way. My girlfriend doesn't know. I'm not gonna tell them.

Joey Tribbiani: — When I first moved here, I went out with this girl. Really hot. Great kisser... but she had the biggest Adam's apple. Drove me nuts.
Chandler Bing: — You or me?
Ross Geller: — I got it. Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
Joey Tribbiani: — You guys are messing with me, right?
chorus: — Yeah. We are!
Joey Tribbiani: — That's a good one. For a second there, I was like, whoa!

— For short-term work. Till I get back my massage clients.
— Pirates again?
— No. Nothing like that. I'm just such a dummy. I taught a "Massage Yourself at Home" workshop. And they are.

She's amazing! She makes the women I dream about look like fat, bald men.