Ross Geller – Character Quotes

Monica Geller: — Let it go. It's not a big deal.
Ross Geller: — Not a big deal? It's amazing. You reach in, there's one maneuver and bam! A bra. Right out the sleeve. As far as I know, guys don't do anything that comes close. Right?
Rachel Green: — Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Chandler Bing: — We can? Okay, I'm trying that.

— Hi, Tony, can I call you back? That's, uh... That's my sister's boyfriend.
— Give me that. Okay. Sweetie, before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your place? Hi, Mom.

— Wait. What am I gonna do?
— You? You go long.
— Well, how long?
— Until we start to look very small.

— Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
— Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.

— Oh, I am having the best karma this week. <...>
— What about that, uh, bike messenger you hit?
— Oh, I wasn't talking about his karma.

— I think about whose apartment we'll sleep at tomorrow and where we'll have dinner next Saturday! I do not think about our children's names! You know what our children's names will be?
— Ha, ha, no. No, I mean, you know. I read a book, and there was a girl named Emily. And I thought that might be good.
— What was the book?
— The Big Book of Children's Names.

— Anyone know a good date place in the neighborhood?
— How about Tony's? If you finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.
— Anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?

— I don't know what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
— Just say what you feel, Joey.
— Marcel, I'm hungry.

— Hey, Ross? I got a science question. If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, "homo" sapiens... is that why they're extinct?
— Joey, Homo sapiens are people.
— Hey, I'm not judging.

— What did the insurance company say?
— They said, "You don't have insurance. Stop calling us."

— Monica, if you want, I can lend you money.
— No, no. If I couldn't pay you back right away then I'd feel guilty and tense every time I saw you.
— Oh. Then why don't you borrow it from Mom and Dad? You feel guilty and tense around them already. Might as well make some money off of them.

— You slept with another woman?
— Oh, you're one to talk.

— Janice said, "Hi. Do I look fat today?" And I looked at her...
— You looked at her? You never look. You just answer. It's like a reflex. "Do I look fat?" "No." "Is she prettier than I am?" "No." "Does size matter?"
— No.

— Okay, listen. I'm sorry about last night. I really want to make it up to you.
— No. You know, there's no need to make it up... How?

— It's just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
— I watched you get hypnotized in Atlantic City.
— That guy did not hypnotize me, okay?
— You always pull your pants down and play "Wipe Out" on your butt.

— Shielding your face and shrieking like a girl... is not a backhand.
— I was shrieking... like a Marine.