Chandler Bing – Character Quotes

I tell people secrets. It makes them like me.

Well, she spent the last six months getting over him... and now she's celebrating that by going on a date with him.

— Hey, gorgeous. How's it going?
— Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights. Does it get better than this?

— Hey, what is all that?
— It's a web site. It's the Guggenheim Museum. She likes art... and I like funny words.

Here's the thing. We're different. I'm bing, bing, bing. You' re boom, boom, boom.

— We didn't agree to live together forever. We're not Bert and Ernie.
— I'm aware that we're not gay puppets, all right?

— What did the insurance company say?
— They said, "You don't have insurance. Stop calling us."

— And I, uh, borrowed some of your cologne. I hope she likes it.
— And I don't have any cologne.
— Green bottle next to the shaving cream.
— Oh. Worm medicine for the duck.

— The One With the List. All right, check out this bad boy! Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500-megabyte hard drive... built-in spreadsheet capabilities... and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
— What will you use it for?
— Games and stuff.

— You idiot!
— I'm sure you're right. But why?

— Carol? I was wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?
— Sure.
— Uh... Does it hurt?
— It did at first, but not anymore.
— So, uh, how often can you do it?
— As much as he needs.
— Oh, okay, I got one, I got one. Uh... If he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?

— I may only have a couple beers in me, but I love you.
— I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.

— The camera adds ten pounds.
— So how many cameras are actually on you?

— Okay. Okay. We'll leave. When we pass her... she won't know me, because we never met!
— That's how radio stars escape stalkers!

— This is just like my parents' divorce... which is when I first started smoking.
— Weren't you 9?
— Yeah. I'm telling you something, that first smoke after naptime...