Dogma – Movie Quotes

— So one day, Loki's wiping out all the firstborn of Egypt...
— The Tenth Plague.
— See? Tell a person you're the Metatron, they stare blankly. Mention something in a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everybody's a theology scholar.

— This girl's no woman.
— Oh. Those weren't tits I saw Jay cozying up to?
— What, these? You should know better than anyone here that tits don't make a woman.
— The tubby, coat-wearing motherfucker's got tits.

— Crisis of faith over?
— I think I'm now burdened with an overabundance.
— When it rains, it pours. Are you saying you believe?
— No. But I have a good idea.
— Yes.

I hate it when people need it spelled out for them.

Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.

No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater than central air.

— What are you?
— I'm pissed off is what I am. Do you drench everyone who comes in here with flame-retardant chemicals. No wonder you're single.

— ... I think I've been a pretty good sport about all this so far. But I'm not going anywhere until I find out where you came from.
— Me? I came from heaven. Now let's start walking.
— Walk? Fuck you! Do you know how far we are from anywheres?
— Hey, man, back in the old days with J. C., we used to walk everywhere. Did you ever hear of a fat apostle?

— Here's what I don't get about you. Why do you feel the need to come to this place all the time?
— My friend, because this is humanity at its best. Look at them. All that anger, all that mistrust, all that unhappiness... forgotten for that one perfect moment when they get off the plane. See those two? That guy doesn't know that the girl cheated on him while she was away.
— She did?
— Twice.
— Nice.
— But it doesn't matter right now... because they're just both so relieved to be with one another. I like that. I wish they could all feel that way more often.

— Well, how do I know you're an angel?
— What, aside from the fiery entrance and the expansive wingspan? You want more proof? Fine. How about tequila?
— Where the hell are we?
— Only place you can go for a good tequila. Dos tequilas, por favor, and an empty glass.
— We're in Mexico?
— Actually, we're in the franchised Mexican eatery down the street from your apartment but it's impressive nonetheless.

Holy fuck! All the fine, immoral bitches out in front of that place and we get the Jesus freak?

I have issues with those who treat God like a burden instead of a blessing like some Catholics. You people don't celebrate your faith, you mourn it.

— Wars, bigotry, televangelism. The big one, though, is the factioning of all the religions. He said mankind got it all wrong by taking a good idea and building a belief structure on it.
— You're saying having beliefs is a bad thing?
— I just think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. People die for it. People kill for it.

— Someone told me I'd meet you, and you'd take me somewhere I was supposed to go. I didn't believe it until you said that thing in the parking lot.
— What the hell are you babbling about? All I know is we saved your ass from some angry fucking dwarfs and you promised us se~..
<...>
...and now you're telling me that I'm supposed to take you somewhere, and you don't even know where it is?
— I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked up bar.

It doesn't take a muse to inspire horny retards to empty their wallets.

But this thing, this is Church law. It's not divine mandate. Church laws are fallible because they're created by man.