Jay – Character Quotes

— You know what the dead do with most of their time? They watch the living. Especially in the shower.
— I can't wait to die.

Bethany: — It's been a while since physics but I would think the impact with which you hit would have liquefied you.
Rufus: — Death is a worry of the living. The dead, like myself, only worry about decay and necrophiliacs.
Jay: — Told you he was the undead.

Snoogans. Did you see that shit, man?

No wonder he saw Jesus. Homey's rocking the ganj.

Snootch to the motherfucking nootch! Go back to your paper routes, you Mighty Duck Fucks!

— Let's say we're caught in a situation where we have five minutes left to live. A bomb or something's gonna go off. Would you fuck us then?
— In that highly unlikely situation? Yeah, sure.
— Yeah? She's a slut.

— ... I think I've been a pretty good sport about all this so far. But I'm not going anywhere until I find out where you came from.
— Me? I came from heaven. Now let's start walking.
— Walk? Fuck you! Do you know how far we are from anywheres?
— Hey, man, back in the old days with J. C., we used to walk everywhere. Did you ever hear of a fat apostle?

Holy fuck! All the fine, immoral bitches out in front of that place and we get the Jesus freak?

— Someone told me I'd meet you, and you'd take me somewhere I was supposed to go. I didn't believe it until you said that thing in the parking lot.
— What the hell are you babbling about? All I know is we saved your ass from some angry fucking dwarfs and you promised us se~..
<...>
...and now you're telling me that I'm supposed to take you somewhere, and you don't even know where it is?
— I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked up bar.

We figure abortion clinics are a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be here unless they like to fuck?