Jake Harper – Character Quotes

— Will you take me swimming in the ocean?
— Can we talk about it after my head stops exploding?
— Why is your head exploding?
— Well, I drank a little too much wine last night.
— If it makes you feel bad, why do you drink it?
— Nobody likes a wiseass, Jake.
— You have to put one dollar in the swear jar. You said "ass".
— Tell you what, here's twenty. That should cover me till lunch.

— Will you take me Rollerblading, Uncle Charlie?
— I can't, buddy. I got work to do.
— What am I gonna do all day?
— It's really nice outside. Why don't you wash my car?

Hey, you may think I'm dumb, but you overestimate me!

— These clothes look stupid.
— You're 10. No one cares.

— Here, put these on.
— I wore these yesterday.
— They're still extremely stylish. Put them on.

— What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
— Well, then you must be, like, the Hulk.

— I'm kind of hungry. Can we stop for a chili cheeseburger?
— You're hungry? How could you even think about food?
— What do you think about when you're hungry?

— Want some cake?
— I don't eat sugar.
— Oh, yeah, me neither. Unless it's in, like, pies and cookies and stuff.

— Why are they fighting?
— They're not fighting. They're discussing.
— I'm a child of divorce, Dad. I know the difference.

— You know what, it doesn't matter if I look cool, we judge a person by what's inside them, not by what they wear.
— Lucky for you.

— I think she's really great.
— Me, too. When she's coming back?
— Let's see. Today's Sunday, so... Never.

— How do you stop being afraid?
— Well, I drink.