If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she's late?
Well, she spent the last six months getting over him... and now she's celebrating that by going on a date with him.
I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.
— How was your date?
— Short.
— Oh, really? Sorry. "Short", you mean like "leprechaun" short?
— No, you're really sweet. I've got the perfect girl for you.
— Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced, awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering, "Do I have food on my face? Am I eating? Am I talking too much? Are they talking enough? Am I interested? I'm not really interested. Should I play interested? I'm not that interested, but I think she might be interested. Do I want to be interested? But now she's not interested."So now, all of sudden I'm... I'm starting to get interested. And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door? 'Cause then it's awkward, it's like "Well, good night." Do you do like, the ass-out hug? Where you like — you hug each other like this, and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close. Do you just go right in and just kiss 'em on the lips or don't kiss 'em at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation and all the while you're just really wondering, "Are we gonna get hopped enough to make some bad decisions?" And perhaps play a little game called "Just the Tip." Just for a second, just to see how it feels, or "Ouch, Ouch, You're on My Hair."
I ordered raisin bran because I didn't want there to be any mistaking this for a date.
— Thought you have a date tonight.
— Not a date, a date experience.
— What's the difference?
— About fifteen hundred dollars.
— I'd think you'd be happy for me.
— I am happy for you. You had the courage to walk over there with your pus-filled eye and fall on your ass and still got a date with one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. I'm not only happy for you, I'm proud of you. Now, I have to re-evaluate everything I thought I knew about men, women, relationships, God and the universe. But that's not your problem.
Explanation:
Alan managed to meet a beautiful girl.