Valentine's Day's coming? Oh, crap! I forgot to get a girlfriend again!
And wish me a happy Valentine's Day when you call! That'd be nice!
Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies... to make people feel like crap.
It's my fault I'm alone. I'm neurotic to the nth degree. <...> My closest relationship... is with my BlackBerry. Thank God it vibrates.
— We're exchanging Valentine's cards. We've got yours.
— You know, I was just gonna forget that whole thing this year. You know, greeting-card-company holiday.
The holy trinity of a Valentine's Day: sips, sonets and sodomy.