The best way to learn from your mistakes is to carry them with you.
— Doug! Why are you hitting me?
— I thought you were dead, coming back to life!
— Then why were you hitting me?
— Dead people should be dead!
I think you can do whatever you want to do.
— You know what else I hate about Kelso? His hair smells like a pet store.
— Actually, that's my fault. I filled his hairspray can with dog sweat.
— Dogs don't sweat.
— No? What the hell am I putting in there?
— So if I understand correctly, you left my only child with a creepy, borderline psychotic who hates everyone.
— That's different from leaving him with you?
— I have freckles.
Here's the lowdown. In three hours, my shift ends, at which point I will be leaving and meeting with my ex-wife for a celebratory "best doctor in the city" date which is guaranteed to end in crazy hotel sex. I'm thinking six-inch heels, a leather mask, fishnet stockings. Who knows? She may even get dressed up.
I know I look little older, but that's 'cause I drink and smoke, work with chemicals, sleep on my face.
— ...so we do married stuff.
— Fighting, bickering and the occasional quickie?
— What's it gonna be like having a baby?
— Dr. Cox says it's like having a dog that slowly learns how to talk.
— Awesome!
— You haven't done anything on this list. You never slept naked on a hammock?
— I'm afraid of dragonflies.
Had a tough day at the office, come home, make yourself some dinner, smother your kids, pop in a movie, maybe have a drink. It's fun, right? Wrong. Don't smother your kids.
— Surgery? I'm a Jehovah's Witness. I can't get a transfusion. We believe that blood should not be passed from person to person.
— I'm a doctor. And we believe that without surgery, a patient in your condition can suffer from a major case of deadness.
— Gentlemen, a reminder: As attendings, you are expected to turn in your paperwork and your required urine sample by tomorrow.
— I'm not planning on doing any paperwork. I did go ahead and leave my urine sample on your driver'sside car door.
Oh, Jason, when you're filling out a female patient's exam report, her breasts can be «healthy» or «unhealthy», never «bangin' doubleDs».
— 15 percent of all surgical complications are anesthesiarelated, so I'd like to use hypnosis instead of traditional anesthesia.
— I'd like to sleep with Beyonce Knowles instead of my wife tonight, but that ain't happening either, you know what I'm sayin'?
Scrubs Quotes by Category