Scrubs – Series Quotes [Season 1]

Here's the good news, however. Turns out it's never too late to turn the whole thing around.

You cannot have sex with someone you care about. Sex is for making babies and revenge.

— Have you slept with Turk yet?
— What?!
— I'm sorry. Too personal.
— I like to wait. I like a guy to want it so bad he thinks he isn't gonna get it ever. When he's lost the will to live, I jump him.
— So how long does that take?
— A month, maybe two. What about you?
— I like to use sex as an ice-breaker.
— And how's that working out for you?
— I guess l don't have what you would call high self-esteem.

— Are you following me?
— No. You wanna go out some time?
— With you?
— Me and a bottle of Jagermeister.
— No, Todd, I don't. But I don't want you to think it's because I'm a lesbian or anything. I find you so creepy, I think you should walk around with a bell around your neck.
— All I heard was ''lesbian''.

— You like strong women, don't you?
— Are you kidding me? They're the only ones I let ruin my life.

Since we said ''I love you'', I've been feeling all this pressure. And wondering about the future. Our future. Are we gonna get married? Are we gonna have kids? If so, when will I get my figure back? Where are we gonna live? Will my mother live with us? How big a house? How many bathrooms? What if she walks in on you while you're in the bathroom, you fall, and I can't afford the funeral costs?

Sarcasm works better when it's shorter.

You, honest to God, get me so angry I'm afraid I might hurt myself.

We're both men. One of us more than the other. But that's OK...

I always heard that when they were right, they were easy. That even when things got hard that they were easy.

— OK, here's the deal. If we're gonna beat this thing, and we damn sure are, we'll do it one way and one way only: We're gonna be a team, team, team.
— I hear you, Dr Cox.
— I am so not speaking to you, Rhonda, thank you.