— Dr Kelso, none of my patients have died today.
— Really? Mr Ferguson's corpse begs to differ.
— So, how are my girls today? Fantastic. Listen...
— If you're here to do one of your "How are my girls today, now let me tell you some things you don't want to hear" routines, I'm in a mood, so it's probably in your best interes to make up some lame excuse and leave.
— Young lady, I will not be spoken to like that. Luckily for you, I have to go see Miss Fitzstrafoler.
— Just a club soda, I'm driving.
— It's an open bar, cutie.
— Give me a bucket of Scotch.
What has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso. I though we'd met.
— And you were supposed to marry him, last weekend? Speaking of which, I gave you a very hied cappuccino maker, and seeing is there aren't going to be any nuptials...
— Yeah, yeah. You'll get it back.
— Great.
<...>
— Hey, wait a minute. We've only got one cappuccino maker and it was from my brother Barry.
— Worth the shot.
— And this abomination is the reason we can't afford a new computer?
— Well, that... and the medical boondoggle I have to go to in Cleveland. And by medical boondoggle, I mean golf weekend, and by Cleveland, I mean Hawaii. <...> Anyway, I have to go catch my bus to the airport. And by bus, I mean helicopter.
— What are you gonna do, take a swing at me?
— Maybe.
— Well, if you do, I'd better die. Because if I don't, I will be coming for you. Good cake today.
— Tell him my most important rule, Ted.
— Too much ''ha-ha'', pretty soon ''boo-hoo''.
— My other rule.
— If you don't look for a mistake, you can't find one.
— That's right, Teddy bear. Now, stop looking for trouble just because you like this patient, and face the facts. Remove him, Ted.
— That ''ha-ha'' rule is true.