— I want to be emancipated.
— Emancipated! Don't you like bein' a dude?
— Dad, is this art or is it vandalism?
— That's for the courts to decide.
— Daddy, I’m scared. Too scared to even wet my pants.
— Just relax and it’ll come, son.
— I'm sorry, Homer. Your H. M. O. doesn't cover this type of injury.
— But I have finger insurance!
— A thumb is not a finger.
— Isn't there anything you can do?
— Well, I could cut off the other thumb for a sense of symmetry.
When I look at people, I don't see colors. I just see crackpot religions.
Masseuses — half doctors, half hookers that solve everything.
— If you pinch your cheeks, they'll glow. A little more, try to break some capillaries, dear.
— Couldn't we use just rouge for this?
— Ladies pinch. Whores use rouge.