Homer Simpson – Character Quotes

Yeah, and I'm not that easily impressed... Wow! A blue car!

When a woman says nothing’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong. And when a woman says everything’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong. And when a woman says something’s not funny, you’d better not laugh your ass off.

— We're gonna be rich! We can finally start a family!
— We have a family.
— A better one.

Sometime, when you least expect it, you'll realize that someone loved you. And that means that someone can love you again! And that'll make you smile.

— Homer Simpson does not lie twice on the same form. He never has and he never will.
— You lied dozens of times on our mortgage application.
— Yeah, but they were all part of a single ball of lies.

— Gee, sorry for being born.
— I've been waiting so long to hear that!

Stupid risks are what make life worth living.

Yeah. Another day, another box of stolen pens.

— The plant called. They said if you don't come in today, don't bother coming in on Monday.
— Woohoo Four day weekend!

My dream has been shattered into shards of a broken dream!

— ... please God — kill sideshow Bob.
— You can't ask God to kill someone.
— Yeah! You do your own dirty work.

— Did you wreck the car?
— No.
— Did you raise the dead?
— Yes!
— But the car's ok?
— Uh-huh.
— Alright then.

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

— Have we ever had a party? And that drink with champagne and musicians and priests?
— It was our wedding!

— Hey, how come Lisa gets a pony?
— Because she stopped loving me.
— I don't love you either, so give me a moped.

— Who wants to put on a leotard and get screamed at.
— Well, hookers and Spider-man.