Either this kid has a lightbulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea.
I am your new friend, so suck it!
It's a mystery how one woman can drive you crazy over and over again.
It's weird realising you missed someone you barely know.
— Are you an idiot?
— No, sir, I'm a dreamer.
— Laverne, what would you give me if I get this jellybean in your cleavage?
— A concussion.
The first step of solving any problem is admitting that you have one.
But more often than not, the answers we've been looking for have been inside us all along.
And, yes, change is scary, but it's also inevitable. It's up to you to make the best of it.
— You're the only man who's ever been inside of me.
— I just took out his appendix.
Do you actually listen to yourself when you speak, or do you find you drift in and out?
— I'm dating an idiot.
— Yeah, but you knew what you were getting into.