Scrubs – Series Quotes [Season 1, Episode 2]

— How's it goin'?
— I'm a 37-year-old janitor. How d'you think it's going?
— There is nothing wrong with being a janitor.
— Really? Thank you, you've turned my life around. I'll tell my janitor wife and all our janitor kids that life is worth living. And that comes straight from our hero, Dr Whozits, Dr Nothing. No, seriously, come on. Come over to my humble house and point out things that are cheap.

It turns out we can't save people from themselves. We just treat 'em. Treat that kid with a respiratory problem and when he comes back with cancer, go ahead and treat that.

— Would you stay and watch the game with me? Maybe have a slice of pizza?
— Of course I will.
— I can braid your hair. I know the couch isn't very deep, but we could move the back cushion and spoon.

You could have been back into my good graces and instead you passed the credit on to a nurse. How noble. I tell you what, I'll get the cafeteria staff to write «Was it worth it?» on a big cake for you.

I can't believe your head exploded. If it does, you'll never make it as a doctor.

Smokers, drinkers, druggies, fatties, whatever. If you keep living and dying on whether or not a person changes, well... You're not gonna make it as a doctor.

Do you know what you've just done? You just lost all lapdog privileges.

— Why is she here all the time?
— Just give her a chance, man.
— You want to hit that.
— No!
— Yeah!
— She's just a friend. It's healthy, hanging out with a girl without the ultimate goal being sex.
— You know? l'm not following.