The Last Boy Scout – Movie Quotes

Wow. An actual house. I was thinking a cave with skulls and shit.

— Jesus Christ, nothing changes. You're still a lunatic.
— Gonna tell me who it is?
— You want me to open the closet? I'll do it, okay? And then we'll both know that you're a fucking psycho! Is that what you want, huh?
— No.
— Thank you.
— That door stays shut. What I'm gonna do is count to three. Then I'm gonna put a bullet in that door. You can stop me any time by telling the truth. <...> The truth is a beautiful thing.

— If Mike knew this was dangerous... why did he just hand it to you, not say anything?
— He was fucking my wife. I die, he gets the wife.

— Cory could've had plenty of rich guys. Me, she loved.
— Oh, love. Well, forget about it, then.
— You don't believe in love?
— Yeah, I believe in love. I believe in cancer.
— What, they're both diseases?
— Yeah, something like that.

Joe Hallenbeck: — Don't touch anything. We don't wanna leave a mess for the cops.
Jimmy Dix: — Oh, my God. You vacuum, I'll dust.
Joe Hallenbeck: — Stay put.
Jimmy Dix: — Go, Tarzan.

Darian Hallenbeck: — What happened to your face?
Joe Hallenbeck: — My God. It speaks. Nothing happened to my face. It always looks like this.
Darian Hallenbeck: — What's wrong with his face?
Jimmy Dix: — His nose is too pointy. His eyes are beady. His ears are too big. He needs a shave.

— Boys still giving her a hard time about the braces?
— Are you kidding? "Metal mouth," that's the latest. Little bastards.
— She'll be screwing them by the time she's 14.
— Watch your goddamn mouth.
— Christ, Sarah. You let her wear enough makeup. She looks like... a goddamn raccoon. I come in the house, I think it's a burglar. I almost shot her twice.

I wish the sky wasn't blue... I wish water wasn't wet... and I wish I didn't still love my wife. Ah. Life sucks.

— Oh, you bastard.
— And then some.

— And I'm supposed to be trembling with fear?
— Something like that, yeah.
— Fine. I'll start trembling in a minute. In the meantime, think I could have a drink?

— You got plans?
— I'm thinking about smoking some cigarettes.
— Could you postpone?
— These are pretty good cigarettes.
— It's 500 bucks, Joe.

— Anything else, lieutenant?
— Yeah. There's a new invention. It's called a razor.
— Too risky. I might start thinking about you and slash my wrists.

You know, we may run into a few more fans. You wanna borrow my sunglasses?

— Guess you're not worried about the security system either. It's pretty high-tech. I put it in myself. But you probably know how to circumvent, huh?
— Circumvent?
— It's called a vocabulary. You read much?
— My subscription to Jugs Magazine just ran out.