Joe Hallenbeck – Character Quotes

— Can we do a formal introduction?
— Who gives a fuck? You're the bad guy, right?

Water's wet, the sky is blue... and old Satan Claus, Jimmy, he's out there and he's just getting stronger.

— Leather pants?
— Yeah.
— What's something like that run?
— Six-fifty.
— Six hundred and fifty dollars?
— Yeah.
— They're pants?
— Yeah.
— They don't have, like, a TV in them or something?
— Nope.
— I am very old.

— Christ, Sarah. You let her wear enough makeup. She looks like... a goddamn raccoon. I come in the house, I think it's a burglar. I almost shot her twice.
— You're not funny. And all the girls wear makeup.
— I'm sure all the girls at that school don't put it on with a paint sprayer.

— You think you're so fucking cool, don't you? You think you're so fucking cool. Well, just once... I would like to hear you scream in pain.
— Play some rap music.

— Well, if it isn't Shelly Marcone himself.
— Careful, son. Just my friends call me Shelly.
— You got friends? When did this happen?

Water's wet, the sky is blue, women have secrets.

— I'm not the one who hates you, Joe. You're the one who hates you.
— And I get to live with myself 24 hours a day.

— So I'm thinking I could use a partner. You up for that?
— I don't know anything about being a detective.
— There's nothing to it. This being the '90s, you can't just walk up to a guy and smack him in the face. You gotta say something cool first.

— What the hell is she doing here?
— I followed him. It's not his fault!
— Goddamn it, I'm gonna kill you both.
— Well, you're gonna have to stand in line.

— Where you going?
— To the bathroom. You wanna come? Doc said I shouldn't lift anything heavy.
— No, I'll pass.

— Head or gut, Mike?
— Joe, how long we been friends?
— I'd say roughly till you started banging my wife. Head or gut?