Mike Matthews – Character Quotes

— Keeping her warm for me, Mike?
— Easy. Don't do nothing dumb.
— How was she? On your finger scale, how was my wife?
— It just happened, Joe. It...
— Sure, sure, I know. It just happened. It could happen to anybody. It was an accident, right? You tripped... slipped on the floor and accidentally
stuck your dick in my wife. "Oops. I'm so sorry, Mrs. H. I guess this just isn't my week."

— You got plans?
— I'm thinking about smoking some cigarettes.
— Could you postpone?
— These are pretty good cigarettes.
— It's 500 bucks, Joe.

— Listen, Joe. You still taking charity?
— What do you got?
— Stripper. Excuse me, exotic dancer. She's got some weirdo hassling her and I'm booked solid. She's hot, Joe. She rates a three on my finger scale. That means I'd cut off three of my fingers if God would let me fuck her. Ha-ha.
— Make her a one on your nose scale. Improve your looks.