When will you learn that the only difference between my life and porn is my life has better lighting?
There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.
Whatever you do in this life, it’s not legendary unless your friends are there to see it.
The only difference between my life and porn is my life has better lighting.
— Lily, since I stopped dating Robin, there's this thing I haven't used as much as I would like. It's kind of big. Surprisingly heavy. Kind of leathery. And it's black.
— Huh?
— This, my friends, is the playbook!
We wait three days to call a woman. Because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.
Barney Stinson: — So how'd it all go down between you and Bilson?
Marshall Eriksen: — Well, after he proposed a vocational paradigm shift, I made an impromptu presentation using a four-pronged approach that really brought him to his knees.
Barney Stinson: — Hit him with a chair?
Marshall Eriksen: — Yep.
Legen...waiting for it...dary!