Swearing Quotes

— I use swear words like anybody else.
— Oh, really? I never heard you. When is it that you do all this cussing? After I go to bed or...?
— I swear when it's appropriate.
— Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain't appropriate.

— Will you take me swimming in the ocean?
— Can we talk about it after my head stops exploding?
— Why is your head exploding?
— Well, I drank a little too much wine last night.
— If it makes you feel bad, why do you drink it?
— Nobody likes a wiseass, Jake.
— You have to put one dollar in the swear jar. You said "ass".
— Tell you what, here's twenty. That should cover me till lunch.