What's in the box? What's in the box? What's in the box? What's in the box?! Right? Brad Pitt... Seven? Nothing? Yeah, I'm the jerk.
— It was a cockamouse!
— What?
— Did the horizontal, ten-legged, interspecies cha-cha?
— Lily, since I stopped dating Robin, there's this thing I haven't used as much as I would like. It's kind of big. Surprisingly heavy. Kind of leathery. And it's black.
— Huh?
— This, my friends, is the playbook!
— What? We're under oath.
— No, we're not. Do you even know what an oath is?
— Uh, yeah. Courthouse. We're under it.
You and Marshall belong together. The two of you have something most people search their whole lives for and never find. I know you love him and if you knew what he was going through right now you wouldn’t be here for one more second. I bought you a ticket home. Marshall is one of the best people I know and it won’t be long until someone else realizes that and you will lose him forever.
Whenever I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.
There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.
When will you learn that the only difference between my life and porn is my life has better lighting?
No part of Barney Stinson does anything less than 110 per cent. If one of my little Michael Phelps’ has got loose, he’s swimming for a Gold.