The Last Boy Scout – Movie Quotes

— So what's the next move, ace? Where do we go from here?
— I'm going home. It would seem my job is done.
— Fuck you, your job is done. We saw Cory get murdered.
— Listen, Flash, you wanna get your ass shot off, be my guest. When you're dead, I'll take your $600 pants.
— Six-fifty.

— Anything else, lieutenant?
— Yeah. There's a new invention. It's called a razor.
— Too risky. I might start thinking about you and slash my wrists.

— You told the cops...
— I told them Mike came by to farm out a surveillance job this morning.
— That's all? You didn't mention...
— No. I didn't mention it.
— You knew, didn't you?
— I suspected.
— Goddamn it. Why didn't you say something?
— What do you want me to say, Sarah? "Fuck you, Sarah"?
— Yes. Yeah. Or anything to get a rise out of you. How about, "You're a lying bitch"? How about, "If there weren't cops here, I'd spit in your face"?
— You want me to spit on you?
— It would show you had some pride left. Fresh out, honey.
— You know what? Fuck you, Joe. You were never around. I was lonely!
— Buy a dog.

— If Mike knew this was dangerous... why did he just hand it to you, not say anything?
— He was fucking my wife. I die, he gets the wife.

— So you don't think the cops can help you?
— Sure. After I'm dead, they'll perform the autopsy.

— Keeping her warm for me, Mike?
— Easy. Don't do nothing dumb.
— How was she? On your finger scale, how was my wife?
— It just happened, Joe. It...
— Sure, sure, I know. It just happened. It could happen to anybody. It was an accident, right? You tripped... slipped on the floor and accidentally
stuck your dick in my wife. "Oops. I'm so sorry, Mrs. H. I guess this just isn't my week."

— Jesus Christ, nothing changes. You're still a lunatic.
— Gonna tell me who it is?
— You want me to open the closet? I'll do it, okay? And then we'll both know that you're a fucking psycho! Is that what you want, huh?
— No.
— Thank you.
— That door stays shut. What I'm gonna do is count to three. Then I'm gonna put a bullet in that door. You can stop me any time by telling the truth. <...> The truth is a beautiful thing.

— Who's the guy in the closet?
— Excuse me?
— That's right. Sometimes you forget I'm a detective. All this steam in the shower, like somebody was just in there. Only your hair is dry. So it must be
somebody else we're talking about. A male somebody because the toilet seat's up. Not under the bed, must've stuck him in the closet... when you heard my key hit the lock a day early. So who's the guy in the closet?

— You got plans?
— I'm thinking about smoking some cigarettes.
— Could you postpone?
— These are pretty good cigarettes.
— It's 500 bucks, Joe.

— Listen, Joe. You still taking charity?
— What do you got?
— Stripper. Excuse me, exotic dancer. She's got some weirdo hassling her and I'm booked solid. She's hot, Joe. She rates a three on my finger scale. That means I'd cut off three of my fingers if God would let me fuck her. Ha-ha.
— Make her a one on your nose scale. Improve your looks.

— You bastard.
— And then some.

Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You're gonna lose. Smile, you fuck.