Love and Death – Movie Quotes

I can't shoot him. He's a human being. He'll bleed on the carpet.

Regarding love... You know, what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that count. It's the quality. On the other hand, if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.

After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death. If you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean.

We have to take everything and flee. I'm very good at that. I was the men's freestyle fleeing champion for two years. We have to burn the food so the French don't get it. But it's tough to light borscht.

Now, where did you say you were going? Oh, yes, the war. Well... Dress warmly, Boris, and have a nice time.

— Get a receipt. Make sure you get a receipt.
— Why do you need that? You're dead.
— Tax purposes.
— Oh! Good thinking.

The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.

— Back from the war, I see.
— Yes. I'd have stayed longer, but they ran out of medals.