John McClane – Character Quotes

— Touching, cowboy. Touching. Or should I call you... Mr McClane? Mr Officer John McClane... of the New York Police Department?
— Sister Theresa called me Mr McClane in the third grade. My friends call me John... and you're neither, shithead.

Son of a bitch. Fists with your toes.

— We don't want your help! I've got 100 people down here covered with glass!
— Glass? Who gives a shit about glass? Who the fuck is this?
— This is Deputy Chief of Police Dwayne T Robinson... and I am in charge of this situation.
— Oh, you're in charge? I got some bad news for you, Dwayne. From up here it doesn't look like you're in charge of shit.
— Listen to me, you little asshole...
— Asshole? I'm not the one who just got buttfucked on national TV, Dwayne. Listen to me, jerk-off... if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Quit being part of the problem and put the other guy back on!

— I told you all I wanted radio silence until...
— I'm sorry, Hans. I didn't get that message. Maybe you should have put it on a bulletin board? I figured since I waxed Tony, Marco and his friend... you and Karl and Franco might be lonely so I wanted to give you a call.
— That's very kind of you. I assume you are our mysterious party crasher. You are troublesome... for a security guard.
— Eeeh! Sorry, Hans. Wrong guess. Would you like to go for double jeopardy? Mm, these are very bad for you.
— Who are you, then?
— Just the fly in the ointment, Hans. The monkey in the wrench, the pain in the ass.

— You don't like flying, do you?
— What gives you that idea?
— You wanna know the secret to surviving air travel? After you get where you're going, take off your shoes and socks. Then you walk around on the rug barefoot and make fists with your toes.
— Fists with your toes?
— I know. It sounds crazy. Trust me. I've been doing it for nine years. Yes, sir! Better than a shower and a hot cup of coffee.
— OK. [the businessman sees a gun in McClane's pocket] It's OK. I'm a cop. Trust me. I've been doing this for eleven years.

— You throw quite a party. I didn't realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.
— Hey, we're flexible. Pearl Harbor didn't work out so we got you with tape decks.

Yes. Hello, baby. Come to Papa. Come on. Ah-ha-ha-ha! Come on, baby. Come on, baby. Come on, baby. Come to Papa. I'll kiss your fuckin' Dalmatian.

Yipee-ki-yay, motherfucker!

— This time, John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly...
— That was Gary Cooper, asshole.

— Excuse me, Officers. This may sound like a wild-goose chase, but I think I just saw...
— Saw what?
— Elvis. Elvis Presley.

— Say, I close in about an hour. Maybe we can go get a drink?
— Just the fax, ma'am. Just the fax.

John, what the fuck are you doing out on the wing of this plane?

Oh, we are just up to our ass in terrorists again, John.

Just once, I'd like a regular, normal Christmas. Eggnog, a fuckin' Christmas tree, a little turkey. But, no! I gotta crawl around in this motherfuckin' tin can!