— You need to see him, John. You need to help him!
— Nope.
— He needs you!
— Somebody else. Not me. Not now.
— Now, you just listen to me for once in your stupid life. I know Mary's dead and I know your heart is broken. But if Sherlock Holmes dies too, who'll you have then? Because I'll tell you something, John Watson. You will not have me.
— Have you spoken to Mycroft, Molly, anyone?
— They don't matter, you do. Would you just see him, please, John? Or just take a look at him as a doctor? I know you'd change your mind if you did.
— Yeah, look. Okay. Maybe, if I get a chance.
— Do you promise?
— I'll try if I'm in the area.
— Promise me?
— I promise.
— Thank you.
[opens the trunk where Holmes is lying]
— Seriously?
— I'm Sherlock Holmes. I wear the damn hat.
— It's not a pleasant thought, John. But I have this terrible feeling from time to time that we might all just be human.
— Even you?
— No. Even you.
— "Geek Interpreter", what's that?
— That's the title.
— What does it need a title for?
— What are you typing?
— Blog.
— About?
— Us.
— You mean me.
— Why?
— Well, you'r typing a lot.
— You just like this dog, don't you?
— Well, I like you.
— We'd like you to be godfather.
— God is a ludicrous fiction dreamt up by inadequates who abnegate all responsibility to an invisible magic friend.
— Yeah, but there'll be cake. Will you do it?
— I'll get back to you.
— Keep up. He's fast.
<...>
— He's not moving.
— He's thinking.
— He's really not moving.
— Slow but sure, John, not dissimilar to yourself.
— You just like this dog, don't you?
— Well, I like you.
— ... He's still not moving.
— Fascinating.
Explanation:
A dialogue about Toby (the dog).
— Is your friend quiet mad?
— Ho, he's an arsehole, but it's an easy mistake.
— Anything to add, John?... John?
— Uh, yeah, yeah, listening.
— What is that?
— That is me. Well, it's a me substitute.
— Don't be so hard on yourself, you know I value your little contributions.
— Yeah? It's been there since 9:00 this morning.
— Has it? Where were you?
— Helping Mrs H. with her sudoku.
Explanation:
In John's chair, Sherlock sees a red helium balloon with a painted face.
— Anything you say, Giles.
— ...
— Just kidding. What's his name?
— [whispering] Greg.
— [whispering] What?
— [whispering] Greg!
— So how's it going then, fatherhood?
— Oh, good. Yeah, amazing.
— Getting any sleep?
— Christ, no.
— You at the beck and call of a screaming, demanding baby, woken up all hours to obey his every whim?
— Must feel very different.
— I'm sorry, what?
— Yes, well, you know how it is. All is you do is clean up their mess. Pat them on the head...
— You two having a little joke?
— Never a word of thanks. Can't even tell people faces apart.
— This is a joke, isn't it?
— Yeah, and it's all "Oh, aren't you clever? You so, so clever."
— Is it about me?
— I think he needs winding.
— You know, I think that really might be it.
— No, don't get it.
— She said you get off on this, you enjoy it.
— And I said "dangerous", and here you are.
— Sherlock, she loves you.
— Yes. Like I said, human error.