— I said don't get clever!
— I can't just turn it on and off like a tap.
— Anything else I can do? To assist you, I mean.
— Some silence right now would be marvellous.
— Punch me in the face,
— Punch you?
— Yes, punch me in the face. Didn't you hear me?
— I always hear "punch me" when you speak but it's usually sub-text.
— Brilliant, Anderson.
— Really?
— Yes, brilliant impression of an idiot.
— Because you're an idiot. No, no, don't look like that. Practically everyone is.
At Buckingham Palace. Right. I am seriously fighting an impulse to steal an ashtray.
— That... was amazing.
— Do you think so?
— Of course it was. It was extraordinary, quite extraordinary.
— That's not what people normally say.
— What do people norrnally say?
— Piss off!
— Is that the British Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
— Both.
— Are these human eyes?
— Put those back!
— They were in the microwave!
— It's an experiment.
When John first broached the subject of being best man, I was confused. I confess at first I didn't realise he was asking me. When finally I understood, I expressed to him that I was both flattered and surprised. I explained to him that I'd never expected this request and I was a little daunted in the face of it. I nonetheless promised I would do my very best to accomplish a task which was, for me, as demanding and difficult as any I had ever contemplated. Additionally, I thanked him for the trust he placed in me and indicated that I was, in some ways, very closed to being moved by it. It later transpired that I'd said none of this out loud.