I mean, when my dad's not asking the maid for a neck-rub, he's telling me if I'm going to get emotional, I should do it in a closet because no one likes to see a hysterical woman.
— I'm dating an idiot.
— Yeah, but you knew what you were getting into.
— The first part of the plan is not to share it with people who annoy me. Want to hear the second part?
— Sure.
— I can't. My hands are tied by the first part.
— Promise me you'll hold me like this when I push your baby out my bajingo.
— I'm putting on a third condom.
— Janitor? Have you ever looked at yourself and wished that you were different in every single way?
— No... I'm a winner.
I always heard that when they were right, they were easy. That even when things got hard that they were easy.
— I know what you're thinking.
— Your butt looks like two Pringles hugging. No, you don't.
— You actually rank the women of this hospital by their appearance?
— Calm down, Twelve.
— Yes, top twenty!