OK, recent studies have shown that one in four men cheats on their wives. And one in ten women, cheats on their husbands. Now that's aweful. Truly depressing data. I know this must look bad, but it's not what it looks like. But then I realized, imagine how much more impressive those numbers could be, if people thought they could actually get away with it? Cynical? Well, I prefer entrepreneurial. My former partner, the Great Jack McCadden taught me, our job in life is not to judge the ones and desires of our fellow men is to profit upon them. And well, some might see this as an unravelling of our social fabric I say business is good.
— It'd be easy for a man in my line of work to become cynical on the subject of relationships. <...> Lola, I prefer to keep my work life and my private life separate. It keeps things simple.
— Simple is boring.
— Boring is safe.
— And safe is for old people. This is fun, want to keep going?
— «But you see, romance is my greatest ally. That makes people vulnerable. Distracts it, and utterly idiotic».
— Did you ever get a blow job at a hundred miles an hour?
— We're only going sixty.
— Then you better step on it.
— Say Michael, you ever talk to that tax shelter guy... What was his name, Jack something?
— No I was hoping you could tell me I got so much loose change tied up with that guy. Now I can't get the bastard on the phone. So you know what Jack used to say the only sure investment is tombstone.
— I know what it means.
— I need a piece.
— A piece of what?
— You know a gun.
— Oh why do you say that Snoop Dog?
Okay, maybe I'm no Casanova. And maybe I'm in way over my head. But this was always Jack's job I was the pencil pusher. The statistical expert. Unfortunately, being able to tell you that seven and ten murders of crimes of passion or three and four hitmen are hired by one spouse to kill the other isn't terrily relevant information. Unless of course you are the one they are hired to kill. Jack was right, I should never have gone straight.
— What do we do? We're a risk management firm.
— Which means?
— We're in the business of saving marriages.
— How do you do that?
— We grease the way that makes state-of-the-art infidelity possible. People who cheat get caught because, A they want to, or B they're found somewhere they said they weren't. We create a false reality, making people appear to be where they're supposed to be.
— So you help men cheat on their wives?
— And wives cheat on their husbands. We're an equal opportunity employer.
— You're a professional liar.
— Lies are the great foundation of our society, Lola. 'Great outfit, honey.' 'Can't I give you flowers for no reason?' And my personal favorite, 'Don't worry, it happens to lots of guys.'
— But that's just being polite.
— Fact is your average relationship wouldn't last two minutes if people told the truth. We just help maintain the illusion. Mom's happy, Dad's happy and the kids don't have to pick sides at Christmas.
— So this is all for the children, then?
— Families don't break up because of infidelity, They break up because someone get caught.
— Let me guess, You're just a hard-working child of a broken home trying to save others from the pain you went through.
— I just see people for the well dressed, good smelling animals they are. Mate, eat, sleep and mate some more, preferably with someone else. Come on.
— But you can't really believe that. Not everyone operate on a purely primal level.
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