If the ways of this world are based on equivalent exchange, as alchemy says, then in order to allow for a new generation to enjoy goodfortune, the price that we must pay, is to carry the bodies of the dead across a river of blood.
People like you have a hard time. Two sides of the same coin. You’ve got your gift... and you’ve got what it costs. Hard to say for you what that will be. You'll have your time in the sun, but for how long? You've got so much anger in you. You'll have to be carefull.