— Hello, handsome. Are you surrendering? You're not really gonna fight me with a sword, are you? I do like your confidence.
— Normally, I'm a little more chatty. I do have one thing to say. I think it'll wait.
— Shit's about to get steel. Motherfucker.
— What I wanted to say was, ''I am Roy and Roy has done this''.
Mr Man's-Man in the Challenger here screams at date-rape volume every single time: «I'm being carjacked!»
This kinda shit happens every day. I used to complain that every day felt the same and then May 9th came, and now every day IS the same. Ugh, same wake-up scream, same machete-wielding asshole, same everything, with slight variations. One thing that never changes... is I die every single day. I die.
Some things you can't redo. And some things you're forced to do over and over again...
Shit. I missed the exit to the Chinese restaurant and the last time I went anywhere else, it ended up really bad.
Attempt 158
— Hi. I need to know how to fight with a sword.
— I have no idea what you just said.
— I need to learn how to fight with a sword.
— There is something intriguing about you that I like. I'm flying home to Shanghai in the morning. I would only have a day.
— I think we can get a lot done in a day.
Attempt 161
— I'm a beginner, but I'm a quick learner.
— It is the one who wields it that makes it a weapon, Roy. That sword is no more an extension of you than a set of car keys.
Attempt 198
— I've had some training, but I'm willing to work hard.
— In lesser hands, the jian blade is just a flimsy piece of forged steel. But within the most determined grip and under the keenest eyes, it becomes a weapon
of annihilation.
Attempt 200
I've had a very good teacher, but I need to learn more.
Can you imagine waking up every day with some random asshole like Mr Good Morning here trying to hack you up with a fucking machete? Seriously. This might have been fun for a while. Once the shock wore off, once I realised what the hell was happening, after nearly 140 times, it just fucking got annoying and I want it to stop. But I know it won't. You know how people say, "Oh, I can do that with my eyes closed," and you always think they sound like assholes? But... whatever. As many times as I've seen this happen to my apartment, I still can't help but think, "Fuck! Man, this is a lease." The landlord is already an asshole anyway and I'm never, ever getting my security deposit back.
— Drop it.
— What, the tooth?
— No, not the tooth.
— I'm not dropping it.
— Well, it drops or you drop.
— This is a custom handmade Walther PPK that cost me nearly half a million dollars at auction.
— You bought a handgun for half a million dollars?
— And had my personal pistolsmith fit it with a vintage SD-22 SpielWaffen suppressor, of which there are six in the world, for an additional $250,000.
— 750,000 bucks?
— Correct.
— Why in the fuck, Pam, would you ever do something like that?
— Pam?
— Well, I never got your name so I just call you Pam.
— We've met?
— Many, many times, in passing. Let me see it. Slow. Hold it by the trigger guard.
— Handle it as if it were porcelain, please.
— Soft as a whisper. A. H.?
— Adolf, Hitler.
— Qué?
— It was a personal gift from Carl Walther. Hitler kept it in his desk in Munich.
— You've been killing me with fuckin' Hitler's gun this whole time?
— It was stolen by an American serviceman in 1945.
— Jesus, what is wrong with you?
— Fast-forward to present day... — a very pretty penny.
— I didn't think this could get any worse. And it has. Who sent you?
— Wouldn't you like to know.
— Hint, hint?
— Never. Are you gonna kill me now?
— No, Pam, I'm gonna shoot you. That's for the Jews. Those too.
— Hello, handsome!
— You cut my head off a couple dozen times.
— Someone's been the busiest little beaver.
— What are you gonna do with that?
— I was thinking about fucking you up.
— You remember in 'Raiders', that asshole who was twirling a sword around and around, thinking he was all cool and shit? Indy just shot him 'cause he was exhausted, impatient, and just couldn't take the bullshit anymore. You remember that?
— Yeah.
— Fuck!
<...>
— Fun fact. Harrison Ford had the shits and that's why he shot that guy.
— Brett?
— I smell muffins. Do you smell muffins? I'll just, uh, walk it off. Now I'm blind.
Didn't find your favorite quotes from Boss Level? Submit a quote