— Why did you stop by again?
— I wanted to be your friend.
— Oh. I knew it wasn't... possible. What can I say, sometimes a guy just wants the impossible.
The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino.
Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts — your arrogance, your spite, your condescension — has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and moving on, you zing them.