John McClane – Character Quotes

— I told you all I wanted radio silence until...
— I'm sorry, Hans. I didn't get that message. Maybe you should have put it on a bulletin board? I figured since I waxed Tony, Marco and his friend... you and Karl and Franco might be lonely so I wanted to give you a call.
— That's very kind of you. I assume you are our mysterious party crasher. You are troublesome... for a security guard.
— Eeeh! Sorry, Hans. Wrong guess. Would you like to go for double jeopardy? Mm, these are very bad for you.
— Who are you, then?
— Just the fly in the ointment, Hans. The monkey in the wrench, the pain in the ass.

— We don't want your help! I've got 100 people down here covered with glass!
— Glass? Who gives a shit about glass? Who the fuck is this?
— This is Deputy Chief of Police Dwayne T Robinson... and I am in charge of this situation.
— Oh, you're in charge? I got some bad news for you, Dwayne. From up here it doesn't look like you're in charge of shit.
— Listen to me, you little asshole...
— Asshole? I'm not the one who just got buttfucked on national TV, Dwayne. Listen to me, jerk-off... if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Quit being part of the problem and put the other guy back on!

Son of a bitch. Fists with your toes.

— Touching, cowboy. Touching. Or should I call you... Mr McClane? Mr Officer John McClane... of the New York Police Department?
— Sister Theresa called me Mr McClane in the third grade. My friends call me John... and you're neither, shithead.

— If you take away any one thing, no problem, but if you take it down all at once, the system crashes, and... look around, man!
— Come on, the government has got to have dozens of departments dedicated to that shit.
— It took FEMA 5 days to get water to the superdome.

— Say, I close in about an hour. Maybe we can go get a drink?
— Just the fax, ma'am. Just the fax.

— On your tombstone it shall read: "Always in the wrong place, at the wrong time"
— How about: "Yippi-kai-ay, mother fu..."