I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.
You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol; you treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol. Science.
— I’ll take you through the whole thing. I’ll be like your guide.
-: Like Gandalf through the Middle-Earth?
— OK, first of all, let’s take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave where no one will even find them.
— Except Smeagol. He lives in a cave.
I’m worried about Schmidt. He’s a Jew in the desert. I don’t want him to wander.
I can't go to jail! I'm too sarcastic for the white gangs!
— Nick, put on some pants or at least some really high socks.
— Really high socks it is, then!
I once tried on my girl cousin’s wool tights and I didn’t hate how it felt!
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