— What do you mean "gay"? We're together.
— And domestic bliss must suit you, Molly. You've put on three pounds since I last saw you.
— Two-and-a-haif.
— No, three.
— Sherlock.
— He's not gay! Why do you have to spoil..? He's not!
— With that level of personal grooming?
— Because he puts a bit of product in his hair? I put product in my hair.
— You wash your hair, there's a difference. No, no — tinted eyelashes, clear signs of taurine cream around the frown lines. Those tired, clubber's eyes. Then there's his underwear.
— His underwear?
— Visible above the waistline. Very visible. Very particular brend. Plus the extremely suggestive fact that he just left his number under the dish. I'd say you'd better break it off now and safe yourself the pain.