Lord... you've blessed me with a lot. More money than I know what to do with... a beautiful home, and a surprisingly resilient liver. You have truly given unto me with both hands... which brings me to my request. Of all the gifts you've bestowed upon me... none are a greater testament to your glory than Chelsea's heavenly breasts. I don't know why you couldn't throw in a sturdy spine so she could tote those things around, but who am I to question your methods? Anyway, you probably know that she's thinking about tampering with your great work and I was just hoping that you could, you know, talk to her. Return her to the path of righteousness. And bodaciousness. Amen.
Oh, one more thing. Sorry we haven't talked recently but I had a little crisis of faith after last year's Super Bowl. Water under the bridge. I got healthy on the NBA finals. Nice work with Cobey, by the way.
Explanation:
Charlie doesn't want Chelsea to shrink her breasts. He prays