I can tell you the VERY best piece of advice I ever received. It was from an older woman artist, who – when I was in my 20s – was listening to me bitching that I didn’t have any time to do my creative work because I had three jobs and life is hard, I’m living with a bunch of roommates, I had all these other obligations, and all I wanted to do was write and there was never any time. And she kind of came at me with the most trenchant question:
“What are you willing to give up in order to have the life you keep pretending you want?”
And the key word in that sentence was “pretending” because it was such an ego blow, because I was like, I’m not pretending! I was like, isn’t that so insulting? Because writing was so important to me, and she was like, “Why do you keep pretending writing is the most important thing in your life when you give so much time to other things and other pursuits?” And she was grilling me, and she said, “Okay, you have three jobs. Everybody has jobs. But, what’s your favorite TV show?”
And I said, “The Sopranos.” She said, “Not anymore it isn’t. You’re canceling your cable subscription. You no longer watch television. You have time to be in Tony Soprano’s journey, but you don’t have time to be in your own?”
“What’s your favorite bar that you go to with your friends? Don’t go there anymore. What’s your favorite magazine? Cancel the subscription.”
The other reason I love that advice is because it’s in direct opposite to the mythology of “having it all.” It’s about ultimate self-accountability and triage: this matters so much to me and the other things don’t matter a bit. And that’s the only way you can ever find the time and energy to become anything. To become yourself.