Slapstick - Kurt Vonnegut

"In case nobody has told you," she said, "this is the United States of America, where nobody has a right to rely on anybody else – where everybody learns to make his or her own way. I'm here to test you," she said, "but there's a basic rule for life I'd like to teach you, too, and you'll thank me for it in years to come. "Paddle your own canoe."