Zaphod Beeblebrox – Character Quotes

Arthur Dent: — We can talk about normality till the cows come home.
Ford Prefect: — What is normal?
Trillian: — What's home?
Zaphod Beeblebrox: — What are cows?
Arthur Dent: — A proper cup of tea would restore my normality.

— Greetings. This is a recorded announcement as we are all out at the moment. The Commercial Council of Magrathea thanks you for your esteemed visit, but regrets that the entire planet
is temporarily closed. If you would like to leave your name and a planet where you can be contacted, kindly do so at the tone.
— How can a planet be closed?
— Zarkin' A, cousin. Okay, computer, keep going. Take us down.
— I'd be happy to.
— It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated. As a token of our appreciation, we hope you will enjoy the two thermo-nuclear missiles we've just sent
to converge with your craft. To ensure on-going quality of service, your death may be monitored for training purposes. Thank you.
— Guys, I'm delighted to tell you that there are two thermo-nuclear missiles heading right for us.

— O' great Deep Thought! We have travelled long... and far. Have you calculated the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything?
— No. I've been watching TV. I designed another computer to do that.
— Oh, right, I forgot. Is it here?
— No, it's not here. It's another world.
— It's on another world?
— It is another world, stupid. Or at least it was until the Vogons destroyed it to make way for a hyperspace expressway.
— Well... Okay. You sure you don't have the question, or a way to, you know, access it or something? 'Cause I think I've done like a lot to get here.
— Oh, shh, shush! The show's back on.